I Want to be a Dentist!
Gore Vidal died this week. Google him and 35,400 results appear. Because he was the greatest essayist of his age. Yet, he failed at the two greatest ambitions of his life: to hold…
5yr-old Sula Knows the Truth
The purest thought you’ll hear all day from my friend’s 5 yr old daughter, Sula. “Sweet Sula – during our nighttime snuggle, she asked if she could listen to my…
Are My Kids Failures?
My kids are 4 and 2. All I want, like any parent, is their happiness … and success. But I’ll take happiness over success every time. Some would argue that success…
For Father’s Day I Got a Vasectomy
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Author unknown Let me be clear. Being a father is by far my greatest…
I Enjoyed My time In Jail
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. Dave Barry I enjoyed my time in jail. I was the only guy…
The Wisdom of Walking Slowly
I have always loved elephants The gentle soulfulness Rough-hewn nobility They cannot hide Must be as they are in the world Lumbering Yet determined Many consider them good luck…
10 Years of Hard Work is Worth a Bucket of Piss
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King I got fired once. It wasn’t pretty. It was Mother’s Day, my…
Angel Looking for a Place to Land
Excerpted from my upcoming book, A Lonely Fool’s Masterpiece: Jodi admired the series of horizontal weathered lumber and driftwood pieces strung together vertically. This rudimentary torso hung freely and moved subtly…
Quit F’ing Around and Give Us Our Son
Excerpted from my upcoming book, A Lonely Fools Masterpiece: I’d painted my wife into my life. Time to paint us a child. We still had seven long months ahead of…
Hilarious reblog from Fawkward!
leonajosephine: This is pretty much what I did all day. Just hung out with a monkey named Beaker on a remote tropical island. She attacked me while I was playing…
What If We Can’t Have Children?
Excerpted from my upcoming book, A Lonely Fool’s Masterpiece: “So, I’m telling you, if it doesn’t happen next time, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” my wife said….
Design District Miami Installation – Spring ’11
One vial contains drops of my boiling blood. It all speaks to the steady erosion of our civilized society. And with its mutilated reference to publishing, it laments the degree…