Anger Issues?

Studio footprints 2

“What are anger issues, Daddy?”

My ever-perceptive 6-yr-old asked me this on the ride to school a few days ago, having somehow heard the term mentioned in his classroom.

A week earlier, just 2 days after the conclusion of an absolutely mental Art Basel, this very boy stood barefoot and shirtless in my studio, hands gloved in hunter-green watercolor paint, splotches on his shorts, inner arms and legs, one patch in the middle of his back. Home sick from school, I had to bring him with me, and in twenty minutes a bus with eleven collectors, one of whom had been paying serious attention to my career for over a decade, was due to arrive for a studio visit.

I gazed at the mess as the boy stared up at me, fingers spread as the paint dried between them. Tiny green footprints scattered from a seeping puddle in the middle of the floor beside a large rectangle of cardboard covered entirely in swirls of this same muddy green. Beside the cardboard lay a dozen squeezed tubes of watercolor paint, each with its cap off, wounded soldiers in my son’s apparent victory with his verdant imagination.

Bodhi

I shut my eyes and started shaking like a broken toy. Turned from him and literally stomped my feet and made an aggressive growling sound. “No No Noooooo,” I yelled to the concrete floor. When I turned back, my boy stood crying. Crestfallen.

“You didn’t tell me any rules, Daddy. You didn’t tell me what to do!” 

I pride myself on being a self-taught painter who lets it flow and trusts the arc of the sun to choose the palette each day. More gut. Less mind. 

The label on the dunce cap reads ARTIST in this masterpiece by French genius MTO. Photo courtesy of Walter Michot, Miami Herald Staff
The label on the dunce cap reads ARTIST in this masterpiece by French genius MTO. Photo courtesy of Walter Michot, Miami Herald Staff

My son felt green today and let it flow with the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet. And in response I chose to trample the flames of his passion, frightening him with a clenched body and sharp-edged raised voice. 

Yes, I was sleep deprived, hungover and emotionally thrashed from a week running around playing the art game. Yes, my ego wanted to sell more at the fairs. Yes, I wanted my studio to appear appropriately shop-worn and smart for the any-minute guests. But his only crime was doing exactly what I gave him permission to do. “I want to paint, Daddy.” I handed him the paper and the paints and showed him where to go about his creative machinations in the next room, as I hung works and swept up and dove deeper into my own fatigue.

Bodhi Paper boy

What does this one look like he wondered, opening one then another of the paint tubes. He brushed at first, then opted for his hands, because finger-painting is awesome. And footprints even awesomer. And eventually he tried every color in the box. Why not, Daddy said I could paint. And who says you can’t have it all? I guess I did when I started yelling at the air. 

So, my lovely, sentient youngest child … anger issues are the residual stink left when a dad squelches his boy’s beauty and never bothers to own it.

King-of-Nothing
The King of Nothing, Acrylic, corrugated cardboard, paper, tape, oil crayon on canvas, 48×36″ 2005

Lucky for us both, I saw the error of my ways in the sheen of your tears. And, later that day, I explained to you how wrong I was. How sorry I was. How sad I was that I gave you the idea that it was not ok to make a mess in the studio, when that’s one of the best reasons to have a studio in the first place. And I told you again that night and again the next day, because … what anger issues remain from my complicated youth shall end with me and not be passed on to your gleaming beautiful heart.

You, my exquisite mess-maker. My teacher. My canvas. 

Let’s go paint!

Winning

 

24 thoughts on “Anger Issues?

  1. Oh, my god, son………… how perfectly exquisite. Thought you’d like to know that on that same day, when I picked up Bodhi on short notice, he bore no traces of the anger you had heaped on him. We had a great breakfast and (as always) so much fun being together. He is a joy and you constantly demonstrate reasons that prompted me to put a bumper sticker on my car that says, “MY KID IS A MENSCH”. Thank you, Stu…. dad

  2. From the heart and pen of your ‘most favorite’ second grade teacher. You have indeed fulfilled your prophesy and have become a man, a father of insight and truth. Your children will learn the depth of your love and commitment. You have made me a very proud teacher..

  3. Stuart, beautiful words, beautifully written. Knowing my Bodhi boy, he would never stay upset with you or anyone. I believe he has a great capacity for forgiveness. Guided by you and Jodi, Bodhi is on his way to bcoming a great “thinker” and compassionate young man.

    Dawn

  4. Stu, Thank you for reminding me again, through your wonderful posts, to slow down and appreciate what is right in front of me!

  5. Seriously, even more than this blog, what I love the most is our own father’s immediate reaction. I’ve faith that time spreads wisdom in wrinkles across our faces and sometimes thumbprint in our foreheads.

  6. Stu,
    You managed to recover quickly, because my fellow collectors were very impressed with your warmth and charm as well as your work.. Our visit with you was a highlight of the mad week.
    I love the footprints!
    Gail

  7. Stu-art, this experience is gorgeous. You caught yourself, identified what you could have done differently and and let your son know that his actions were more than fine, This first piece was about him.
    Just as importantly and possibly more, you showed your beloved little man what it looks like to become momentarily insane and then recognize, forgive everyone involved including yourself and make it right. Our children need more show and less tell. You illustrated what that very human process can look like when one stays awake throughout it.
    Kudos on all fronts.

    Xxoo
    Claudia P

  8. There isn’t a parent out there who hasn’t done the same thing…the beauty is in the acknowledgement and the apology. Don’t underestimate the resilience of our little ones when we are concise. You taught him the value of a reaction and an apology …he never would have learned without your anger…

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